Relationships - Dominant Patterns I

Survival Relationships

When the people involved in the relationship realize that they cannot survive in it on their own, then the relationship becomes a survival relationship. The choice of partner is out of emotions and there is no match in personalities of the two. It involves both a physical and emotional relationship and the fulfilling of the basic requirements of a married life. These people are unlikely to share common interests and qualities because of which there is not much that holds together this relationship. Each person tries to provide the other person which the things he or she does not have which makes the relationship a desperate, clinging one. Sometimes the relation can also become hostile and abusive. In these relationships, the partners often abuse each other physically. The people involved become overwhelmed at any sign of affection and caring because of which they are not sure how to receive it. The partners are desperate to just have the other person around them even if they have to fight.

However, this kind of connection gives a much better feeling than being institutionalized. Because both the partners are scared to be alone, they desperately try to find a replacement the moment they get out of one relationship. This relationship turns out to be a co dependent one.

Validation Relationship

In the validation relationships, one person tries to seek the other person’s validation for their qualities like attractiveness, intellect, wealth, sexuality etc. The most common validates are wealth and sex. If a relationship is unsuccessful, the person might try to find a relationship which is sexually based. The factors important for these relationships include outside appearance, clothes and money. However, validation relationships are often a little insecure. There is always confusion about the fact that the other person likes you or not. Both the partners in this relationship are immature and constant tension prevails. Even after days of fun, one small moment can result in anguish. Sometimes one person seeks validation but the other wants deeper connection. This makes the partners feel betrayed and hollow. This relationship also allows one person to raise the self esteem of the other when needed. Te partners tend to fall apart when there is no further connection between them. In that case, the validation has been me and both the people desire something different from what their partner gives. This means that the purpose of the relationship is met.

Scripted Relationships

The scripted relationships take place when both the partners have just come out of college or high school. To each other, they seem to be meant for each other and fit into exactly what the other person desires. This relationship is based on expectations. These relations are meant for long term and are often child focused. A variation of this relationship’s aim is the career couple where the role of the child is taken by careers of the people involved. It means that their main focus and target is their career although they may have children as well. In these relationships, the couple is not independent and there is constant involvement of relatives and family on a regular basis. They find difficulty in having a nice time during holidays which becomes very stressful and the holidays are full of obligations.

The people indulge in endless arguments which slowly turn into a pattern. In this, it does not matter what issue is being discussed but the person who wins the argument has more importance. During arguments, some mistake committed by one many years ago is brought to light. The people have difficulty in talking intimately to each other and as a result, their sexual life is bound to suffer in the constant struggle for power. In these relationships, the partner is often invisible to the person. The only emphasis is on career and children. The relationship has life only as long as the roles fit the expectations of both the partners and when one of them tries to take a step out of their expected role, the other sees it as a threat to his/her position of power and results in a power struggle. The partners are stuck in their old ways and do not try new stuffs. These people should look at the things that they wanted to achieve in life but were unable to because they did not try to work out the relationship. They should try to talk to each other at a more emotional level and should work less and play more.